Valentine’s Day. No matter whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a reserved cynic you’re likely feeling the pressure to make today the sexiest, most romantic day of the year.
But let’s face it, no matter how much you love your spouse, the longer you’ve been together—and the more miles there are behind you—the more difficult it becomes for Valentine’s Day to live up to all the hype.
So let’s put those Hallmark Holiday notions aside for a moment and get real.
The bottom line is your love life IS important. And it’s not simply because sex feels good, either. It’s also good for your relationship and your well-being.
In fact, researchers have found sex and emotional intimacy have literal health benefits, including reducing headaches and slashing your risk for some cancers.
With that in mind, I’m going to give you a little homework. But don’t worry; you’re going to love this assignment.
Heat things up with 6 in the mood for love secrets
Starting today, I want you to begin working on rekindling the romance in your relationship.
And I’ll even help you get started with six in the mood for love secrets that will put passion back on the menu not just today, but all year around.
1. Take the pressure off, part one:
On the one hand, you have steamy Valentine’s Day fantasies. And on the other you have reality, which includes knees that creak, backs that twinge and bodies that just don’t bend quite the same way they used to.
Positions that were easy when you first got together can put pressure on joints and muscles in ways you never expected. So, literally, take the pressure off.
Experiment with new lovemaking positions such as spooning or sitting, which experts say can work well for folks with joint pain or flexibility issues. A pillow or two in just the right spot can work wonders too. Or try leaving the bed behind and using other furniture such as a chair or the sofa for your romantic trysts.
2. Take the pressure off, part two:
Stop reading this for a moment and call your spouse into the room. Now look deeply into his or her eyes and say, “Honey, let’s agree to NOT have sex today.”
I’m serious. And here’s why. All that pressure to “perform” on command can backfire ruining your mood and, ironically, your ability to perform. And there’s nothing sexy or romantic about that.
Focus on intimacy instead. Kiss, touch and taste… everything else is on the table. And you’ll be surprised by how hot and steamy things can get. Remember those heavy petting sessions of your youth? It’s time to relive them.
3. Embrace technology:
Technology has a reputation for interfering in relationships. And it’s true; sometimes it can be a barrier (I’ll have more on that next). But, believe it or not, technology can lend us a hand in the romance department too.
No, I’m not suggesting you start sending risqué selfies to your spouse. But I AM suggesting that sexy, flirtatious text messages throughout the day can build the heat before you’re even in the same room together.
If you’re shy, start with something PG-rated like, “I can’t stop thinking about you” or “I remember how handsome you were on our wedding night.” The goal isn’t to make your partner blush, but rather smile knowing you’re thinking about him or her.
4. Now unplug:
Technology is great. It helps us keep up with friends, family and the news. But it can also distract from what’s right there in front of us, such as our spouse.
So starting tonight, and at least two to three times a week from now on, I want you to unplug. Disconnect from technology for the evening, and focus on each other.
When you were younger, things were simpler. You didn’t have the internet or smartphones vying for your attention. And you couldn’t binge watch an entire season of your favorite TV show in one evening. Heck, you probably had no need for love secrets, because focusing on each other was easy.
Revisit those good old days. Put on some music and slow dance in your own living room. Read a book out loud to each other. Feed each other strawberries by candlelight. Without technology to distract you, you’re only limited by your imagination.
5. Try something new together:
You know that feeling you get when you’re a little out of your comfort zone? Your heart rate rises. Maybe you get butterflies in your stomach. And your adrenaline surges.
It sounds an awful lot like how you felt when you were first falling in love doesn’t it? So why not share that feeling again with the love of your life? Suddenly exciting becomes sexy, too.
And you don’t need to choose an adrenaline-junky activity like sky-diving either (unless that’s your thing, of course). Anything that’s new and makes you feel just a bit off balance will work.
Sign up for a one-night dance class, go to a local trivia night, or try an exotic cuisine at a new restaurant. Even if you hate it, or fail miserably, laughing together about how horrible it was will bring you closer. In fact, shared laughter is one of the best love secrets of all.
6. Go on a date:
Do you remember how exciting it was when you first started dating? The days before were filled with giddy anticipation. You couldn’t stop thinking about it. And you planned every little detail from your outfit to what scent you would be wearing days in advance.
Bring back date night and you can feel that way again, no matter how long it’s been. Make reservations somewhere special. Tell your friends how excited you are about it.
When date night arrives dress up just as you used to back in the old days. And then spend the entire evening flirting and seducing each other all over again.
Don’t let Valentine’s Day cause you to lose sight of what’s important. Remember what today actually is… another day that you get to spend with the love of your life. And when it comes to love secrets that’s actually the best one of them all.
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